Interests:Music, Drums, Flute, Piccolo, Guitar, anything in music really. softball, sports, reading, swords, traveling, harry potter, daggers, calligraphy, Tom felton, Germany, castles, nature, night time, stars, writing, driving, dancing (blues and swing), Expertise:Music!!! Piano, Flute, Piccolo, learning drums, cooking cookies and pie, reading, writing poems dancing... and many more... but don't feel like putting them down. Occupation:Student
so a lot has happened in the last few months. I know i haven't really updated much i've been busy with school. Not much really has happened just school. Lots and lots of school and work and band. I've been practicing like crazy and michelle isn't happy about it. i've been sick and had to miss my lesson then she couldn't do the week after and it was just a hell week to do make up lessons. I kinda like a boy but i like a few guys just one i can't really like because we are strickly friends because he likes his roommate which is not going to end well. But the other one i can't read and it is driving me nuts at times. but i guess i can let it go for now.
I have the best group of friends and they are amazing. i still miss my trio though and i always will. heidi just had a baby not too long ago and he is adorable. i can't wait to see him and hold him. Its just the matter of if i'm busy when she is up here, i will do everything i can to not be busy.
I have cool friends and new ones this year just something is missing and i can't seem to figure it out. Yes a boy would be nice but that isn't it. I've come to realize that if a boy comes a long then we'll see what happens but at this point i'm sick of waiting around for one that might be interested then they just blow me off. I've had a few boys that i've liked but still i have nothing. Everyone else seems to be getting guys and its like i'm stuck in a log and not seen. So i've made a decision to just keep moving forward and if a guy is interested they get to chase after me because i'm not going to slow down or stop.
But boys isn't why i'm here to talk, its something else that is making me feel lonely. My sister doesn't talk to me anymore, not after she got a girlfriend. All my friends are gone back to college well my 'sisters' and it just sucks to be in a rut like this and not have anyone to talk to about it. I have a few friends now just they are so busy with their own life that i don't want to bother them with my own drama. I hate saying this but its true and i miss talking to my sister at times. It was good but now we do't. I mean i could always call her but she is always too busy t talk. So i'm dealing, which isn't how i should deal with it i know... but its kinda how i am. I go through the day with a mask on so no one knows the interior or me, i've locked it away so hard that even if it looks out it will be taken. Its like every time i show my true self someone has to mimick me. Or i get hurt in some way shape or form. I can only really be myself when i'm at home, its quite here, i'm able to light up my room with soft light and just listen to the water outside or watch the flame in the candle and just relax and be myself but its like now i have no me time. Part of that is myself because in a way i'm afraid to be alone when i get like this. Most of the time it doesn't turn out so well but when i'm in a good mood and just want me time i'm fine happy and it is good just i do'nt know what is missing anymore but i know something is missing and i just don't know what it is....
I don't know what to think anymore, I told him how i felt i gave him the poem and he won't tell me what it made him feel. I guess in a way i told him everything and it is his choice to do something about it but in a way he is and in a way he isn't. Eh i don't know anymore. If something happens something happens, i'm happy with seeing him once a week. I just wish there will be a day that we could just talk.
I don't want August to come yet i'm enjoying my time off i'm enjoying my sleep and my random lets go on a hike days. This summer has also let me know who my friends are, after WA which i love i came home and didn't text anyone, i wouldn't talk to anyone unless they talk to me and its still on. I'm finally seeing who likes to talk to me becaus they can and who really wants to hang with me because they want to not because i'm the last person they want to hang with.
Washington: Oh Washington i wish i was still there, granted the heat could go away but i love it up there. Nothing more to say really other then i plan on going back and staying forever. I had a blast but when i had to leave i cried not just because i was leaving my sister but because i was going to miss it lol lame i know.
Anyways i'm still up and it is 3 am, and i can't sleep. Its been like this for a while now and it sucks. My stomach pains have worsten and still the DR's have no idea what is wrong with me. They say i'm fine but i shouldn't be in this much pain if i was fine. I just hope the pain goes away or the Dr's find out what is wrong with me before school starts back up.
Crystl blue eyes staring back at me Eyes filled with innocence. Soon you will grow up and realize what pain is But we all have to find it out by ourselves.
The new born cry's only wanting food Yet we complain about bringing them into to world A world that isn't fill with peace anymore Yet these eyes staring back at me will take in everything in sight.
The good the bad, everything There is no right or wrong to these eyes Soon they will look gray and dead like mine But hopefully that will take more time.
No one knows what these eyes will do in life, They may be the mayor, a scientist No one knows But everyone starts out the same.
Brought into a world with an empty slate No bias', no problems, just a family staring at you Wishing you the best on your journey of life Only you get to pick your path.
I just don't understand how someone can care so much about another person to go out of their league to make sure they are ok and yet deny their feelings for them the next day. I just don't understand it. How can someone have a look in their eyes saying they want to see me again and not in pain yet the next day they don't want to talk to you. To the point they will ask you if you are ok and if they can do anything to help you and want to help you proves there are feelings there. There are feelings when you care enough to not want me in trouble and there are feelings if you want to know if i'm hurt in anyway shape or form. Right? Those are feelings of some sort. Yet once you comfort me and take care of me, listen to me and stay the night with me, you leave and deny everything. What are you scared of? The past? What happened in the past is in the past we both learned from it and moved on, or at least i have, you think you have but right now it shows that you haven't. Maybe you are scare of what your friends will think besides they are the ones that told you to shove me away but every week you always ask how i'm doing always over the phone. Maybe they don't notice but right now i'm always wondering if you are being fake which i know you aren't because feelings like that are really hard to fake, exspecailly when i can read the feelings in your eyes. Trust me i've had this thing where i can read people really well through your eyes and not once has one fooled me, they tried with their words and their actions but their eyes tell all. But you, you look at me and comfort me, hold me in your arms and make sure i'm doing ok every week but then after we talk for a day or so you just leave. No nothing from you for another week or so. I just don't understand why someone would hide those feelings or push them away because of what their friends will think. Granted what happened in the past wasn't the best but there is a point that you forget it when you see me and comfort me or hang out with me. So why deny your feelings? It will only hurt you in the end.
